PROMISE: How to articulate your love, and write vows from the heart

Here’s the deal. We need you to stand up in front of your closest friends and family on the most emotionally vulnerable day of your life so far, and give a speech about your feelings.

Extroverts rejoice! Introverts RECOIL…

The National Social Anxiety Centre says “the fear of public speaking is the most common phobia ahead of death, spiders, or heights. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that public speaking anxiety, or glossophobia, affects about 73% of the population”.

Yet tradition and all the wedding movies you’ve ever seen call upon you to deliver a heartfelt and intimately personal vow on our wedding day while holding it together. Here are a couple of our favourite tips to help articulate your feelings in your own style.

Speak your vows first

If a friend casually asked you what you loved most about your partner, what would you tell them?

“She makes a mean lasagne”.

“He asks for my opinion about things that are important to him”.

“They know when I need some alone time to recharge”.

We get caught up in trying to say the “right” thing in our vows, and end up writing them for our wedding guests, not the person we’re marrying. By speaking up about the things you naturally love about your partner, and the hopes that you have for the growth of your relationship, your vows write themselves in a conversational and authentic voice. Next time you’re at the pub, record a voice memo while you tell the group about the best lasagne in the world. Alternatively, have a totally acceptable out-loud-chat with yourself in the car.

Quote someone else

There are no teachers grading this paper, so a little plagiarism won’t send you to wedding jail. Even Penny from The Big Bang Theory called on a little Toy Story for her Vegas wedding vows, because she knew it was Leonard’s favourite.

Think about all the inside jokes you have as a couple and tap into the overflowing resources of movie quotes, times when he got the song lyrics wrong, or the motivational quote that she stuck to your fridge.

Dermot Mulroney told Deborah Messing in the 2005 romantic hit The Wedding Date, “I think I'd miss you even if we never met”. Start there, and see what flows after that.

And if all else fails, Adam Sandler has you covered with The Wedding Singer classic, “Grow old with you”.

Write them for each other

Try something completely different, and swap notebooks for the day. Write vows FOR your love, and don’t let them read them until you’re standing at the altar! The expectations to have them well-rehearsed are thrown out the window, and you’ll have the opportunity to add in some sneaky terms and conditions of your own.

“I promise to honour Friday night football quiet time”.

“I’ll join you at one weekend craft fair each quarter”.

“I’ll remember my special power to bring you back to reality when life gets overwhelming”.

After all, sometimes our partners know us better than we know ourselves. We’ll set the scene by telling your guests that you’ve had no choice in the script, and set their expectations for a laugh.

There’s nothing wrong with “till death do us part”

If you’ve opted for a shorter wedding ceremony or vows are just not your jam, the tried and tested “for better or worse” ticks a lot of boxes.

“I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part”.

It’s such a recognisable speech, it’s short and sweet, and you can’t really mess it up.

And no vows are ok too

There are only a few sentences that we need to say out loud to legally marry you… and vows aren’t one of them. As much as we love talking about love and commitment and how great your lasagne is, we would rather remove any triggers for level 10 stress and anxiety.

Why not ask a friend to recall the first time they heard about “that new girl you’re dating”? Or write a bucket list of things that you’d like to do together in life after wedding. Sounds like a great vow of adventures to come if you ask us!

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Want to learn more about what other couples have done for their vows? Contact us for a few good stories.